So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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