Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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