Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the raccoons are back...
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