Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
