I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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