we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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