You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
