Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
