I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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