very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
