His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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