I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
