im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
