My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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