I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
