Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
