wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
