5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
