do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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