I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
