Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
