So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
