We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
