Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
