I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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