you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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