I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
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apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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