Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
