The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
there is glitter all over my balls
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