sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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