I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
