I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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