New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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