Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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