just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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