just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
