If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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