Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
