I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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