Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
