Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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