the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
