I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
