I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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