well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
