"it" just moved
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
