Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
