I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
