I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
