It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
