nutella sex= disaster
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
