Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
