Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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