I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
