We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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