I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
