dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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