Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
