My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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