Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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