please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
