i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
