I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
