Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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