At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
