9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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