he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
