Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
