I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
