Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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