That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
His nipple licking is glorious
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