Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
