And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it because I queefed?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
